Teacher Tips: Respect for Others

Kids often use the word respect without any actual understanding of what it means. They hear the word tossed around frequently by adults, but quite often the concept of what it is to be respectful is completely foreign to them. 

A discussion of respect at the primary school level is completely different from one at the middle or high school level. In order for young children to understand what it is to respect themselves, their class/playmates, and the adults around them, parents and educators have to tap into their sense of empathy. Kids may not yet understand intellectually, but they feel emotionally and -unless there is something wrong - they don't like to feel bad or see others hurting.

The following article was originally published November 6, 2009

How to Teach Respect for others

The key in teaching children to have respect for others is in getting them to first understand what respect actually is. Young children regularly hear adults say "you have to show respect," but for them it is just a word. They don't really understand what that means as a concept. They need to be told very specifically how to show respect for others and they need the adults in their lives to model respectful behavior for them to follow.

To teach primary school children to have respect for others begin with lessons in caring and why caring is important. Children can relate to caring because they understand what it is to be mean as well as what it is to have your feelings hurt. When they understand that not showing respect is having bad manners and that they might even hurt someone's feelings they are more likely to want to show respect for others because it means they are nice when they behave well towards others.

Reading and discussing story books on how to be a friend is a good way to begin to get children to understand what it means to show respect for others as well as for themselves. By looking at the different ways in which friends behave, children will begin to understand the respect concept as being nice, showing manners, taking turns, and never using rude or mean words. These concepts can later be expanded on to show how they apply to the classroom. For instance, taking turns can be compared to not talking when it is the teacher's turn to talk.

Students talking out of turn is a common problem teachers face while they are trying to give instructions or relay information. The response from the teacher to the student is usually to call the student out and admonish the behavior in some way. Instead, a teacher could use this situation as an opportunity to reinforce the respect concept by saying something like: "Jane, you are talking while I am trying to give the class their spelling words. That is rude and disruptive and it is very disrespectful to me and your fellow students. I would appreciate it if you would give me your full attention when I am speaking."

Helping children to understand that rude behavior is inappropriate is the next step in getting them to grasp the concept of respect. When someone tells a child they are disrespectful it doesn't make an impact on them until they understand just why and how the behavior is disrespectful. When a child realizes that behaving rudely towards someone (i.e., cursing) is being disrespectful towards them they can begin to connect the concepts they already know to make the connection that mean words equal rude behavior which equals disrespect.

One key factor in teaching children to have respect for others is self esteem. If a child does not feel good about him or herself or has significant anger issues, this child is not going to care about being respectful. Misery loves company and because this child has a reason to feel bad they will feel it is their mission to make others feel bad too. To address this problem have students engage in individual and cooperative activities that are designed to improve self awareness and self esteem.

Another key factor in having children behave with respect for others is having others, including the adults in their lives show respect for them. It is impossible to never become impatient in the classroom, but it is extremely important to not turn nasty or sound mean when addressing a child. Sarcasm or talking down to a child in any way is never appropriate and will certainly not get them to respect you.

There is no one specific means for teaching respect, however, to successfully address the respect concept with primary school students it is extremely important that students see teachers, administrators and other staff members modeling the behavior of showing respect for others at all times. Children learn what they live and they will always emulate what they see the adults around them doing.

Teacher Tips: Passive student discipline

The following article was previously published in July 2009.

Using Passive Discipline in the Classroom

Teaching is a challenging task that is simultaneously as frustrating as it is gratifying. Even on a good day it can leave you feeling drained after just a couple of hours, especially if you have to spend a large amount of precious instruction time managing behavior.

Passive Discipline may sound like an oxymoron but if properly used it can be an effective classroom tool. Whether they realize it or not, students are already attuned to body language and hand signals. Non-verbal communication is a lot less likely to end up in a battle or control struggle.

Often times when students are chattering away amongst themselves and not paying attention a teacher will simply stand (or sit) calmly and wait for the students to notice he or she is waiting. At least one kid will notice and alert another creating a ripple effect around the room. If there are any holdouts a combination of eye contact and a raised eyebrow will usually do the trick.

The reason passive discipline is effective is that visual reminders serve as instant memory activators. It also creates a means to developing awareness so that students will be more accountable. Often a mere look will cause a student to stop and say "what?" If you continue to look expectantly at them quite often something will trigger and they will say "Oh!" and correct or adjust the behavior without you having to utter a word. They may even smile at you in the process.

Using non-verbal communication in the classroom has the added advantage of not disturbing students who are quietly working and the offending student can not succeed in baiting you into a non-productive verbal exchange while drawing attention to themselves and disrupting the lesson.

A Few Gestures and Hand Signals

Holding a hand (or both hands) up with the palm facing outward generally means stop, especially if you look downward while doing so. Unfortunately this gesture is also seen by some to be negative, perhaps because of the popular "talk to the hand" expression that was prevalent in the nineties. For an alternative gesture hold the hand out to your side with the palm facing downward.

The palm facing downward is a great gesture because it is multifunctional. If used in motion by lowering the hand slightly it can mean "slow down and walk," when a student is running in the hall. The same motion can also tell a student to bring the volume down when they are talking too loud.

Moving the hand across the throat vertically is universal for cut it out. A finger to the lips combined with eye contact reminds a student it is time to be quiet. The same finger against the lips combined with shaking the head "no" tells a student they are not following procedure when talking out of turn.

Often when you are assisting one student another will impatiently call your name over and over demanding your attention. Instead of responding with equal impatience holding up one hand with your index finger pointing up tells the student you will be with them in one moment.

If the impatient student persists you can combine the gesture with shaking the head no and holding the palm outward to say "stop" and then holding up the index finger again to let the student know you will be with them momentarily. If they continue to persist, stop what you are doing and look at them impassively while making eye contact and repeat the gesture.

Another non-verbal way to tell a student you want them to stop what they are doing is to place both hands in front of your body with one slightly above the other and move the hands outward to either side. Even if you have to repeat the gesture or combine it with another, the student will usually get the message without you having to speak a word.

Other Non-Verbal Options

When a student is off task and out of their seat, merely pointing from the child to their empty chair sends the message "please return to your seat." It is better to repeat the gesture than to plead with the student for several minutes in an attempt to get them to do what you ask. Not every student will comply easily, however and additional steps will be necessary.

Some schools use a mark system to manage behavior. Writing a student's name on the board can be a warning signal that some stronger form of disciplinary action such as the giving of a mark is about to be taken. If the student doesn't take the warning to return to their seat, for example, the letters OS can be placed next to their name. This is also a warning to the rest of the class not to join in to the behavior.

If the mark is ignored the next step will be to send the student out for disciplinary action. Most students do not want to serve detention or have their parents telephoned and once they see the situation is serious they will not want to be the next to be sent out. Having a step by step procedure beginning with a warning gives the student a chance to make the decision to comply before serious action is taken against them.

From the very first day, the class rules and expectations should be clearly outlined and if possible, reminders should be posted visibly around the room so that your non-verbal gestures serve to reinforce the behavior the students have already been told they should be exhibiting.

Passive discipline is an important tool that can often save valuable time in classroom management. Engaging with a student verbally can often lead to confrontation. Using gestures and body language appropriately to correct students can save you a lot of grief in the long run.

Teacher Tips: Putting An End to School Bullying

Originally published November 2009 with the headline Ending Bullying in Schools

School bullying is a widespread problem of epidemic proportion that is shared by educational institutions serving students from Kindergarten through High School across all kinds of communities. Ending school bullying is possible through programs that address creating a specific school culture that nourishes students and teaches them responsible behavior through social and emotional development. It won't happen overnight, but it is possible to curtail and maybe even completely eliminate bullying on school campuses.

One reason bullying is such a problem is that quite often the adults involved in children's lives are not taking the issue seriously enough. Kids who are victims of bullying are often told to shake off incidents or toughen up, sometimes even by their own parents. When left unchecked bullying can result in permanent emotional scars or other more serious consequences such as suicide or retaliation through large-scale violent acts.

The key to ending school bullying is in developing a school culture that helps students attain higher self esteem, anger management, improved communication skills and the ability to make better choices. Even without specifically addressing bullying behavior schools can begin to develop kinder students by creating an environment that inspires students to aspire to personal excellence that includes developing good character as well as academics.

No one sets out in life deciding to be mean. Children are often growing up in extremely difficult situations where they are powerless to effect change in their circumstances. This inability to change their environment and control the things that happen to them creates a sense of helplessness that will often manifest in their acting out negatively. Sometimes the response is subtle and may be directed inward, but quite often it is directed outward either verbally or physically and before long a bully will be born.

In some instances children may have a bully at home who is either consciously or unconsciously modeling this behavior for them and may even be encouraging them to bully others. Even teachers can be guilty of bullying in subtle ways by the language they choose when addressing students, especially in those moments where they begin to lose patience.

Children learn early on that bullies don't get picked on, they get to have their own way, they get lots of attention, are sometimes popular, and most of all, they are "respected" or feared by many, including adults. From a child's perspective this can seem like a pretty good thing.

Putting an end school bullying requires a comprehensive approach that addresses all of the root causes of bullying either directly or indirectly and, through school culture, sets out to resolve the problem by creating an environment in which individual students will choose not to bully others.

While appropriate consequences are important punishment is not the most effective way of redirecting a child's behavior. Character education, etiquette classes, enrichment programs that provide exposure to music, visual art, creative writing, dance and theater, as well as cooperative activities, are all effective tools in helping children find positive ways of expressing themselves while learning to get along with others.

Addressing the problem of bullies in schools is not solely the job of teachers and administrators. Parents have to take an active role in shaping who children ultimately become by reinforcing the lessons taught in character programs. This responsibility also extends into neighborhoods and communities at large.

Teacher Tips: How to use Simon Says in the Classroom

Classroom management is a living entity of sorts that evolves with both the teacher and their students as the term progresses. Class rules, seating charts, character development programs, etc., are good starting points, but in the absence of established teacher-student relationships, engagement is key in maintaining a safe, healthy, and productive learning environment.

Using games such as Simon Says in the early education classroom is a simple method for re-focusing students, keeping things light, and bringing an element of fun into the learning environment. The following article was previously published in the education channel on the Helium publishing web site in November of 2009.

How to Play Simon Says

Primary school aged children love to play Simon Says and the game is a great way to hold their attention and keep them from being restless during periods where they have to sit still and wait for several minutes. But the game is useful to teachers in many other ways as well.

Almost everyone understands how to play Simon Says. The leader says "Simon says touch your nose," and the group does it. After a couple of other tasks the leader says "clap your hands." Because he or she didn't say "Simon says clap your hands" any child who clapped is now out of the game.

Simon Says in the classroom teaches children to pay attention and follow directions while having fun. They see remaining in the game as not getting tricked by the teacher into doing something. This means that the teacher leading the game has to be quick on the draw with the "Simon says do this" tasks. If there is any lag in the game it allows children to think about what you have said before they respond.

A rapid fire of Simon Says commands that are repetitive followed by one that doesn't include the words "Simon says..." is the key to keeping the game moving and tricking up crafty students who think they won't make a mistake and respond to the wrong task.

Here is an example:

Simon Says touch your nose.

Simon Says put both hands on your hips.

Simon Says put your hands on your head.

Simon Says put your hands or your hips.

Simon Says put your hands on your head

Put your hands on your hips.

When dealing with hyper kids Simon Says is an opportunity to move around a bit and get rid of some of their nervous energy before getting back to the academic lesson. The game is also a good idea for days when the weather prevents children from enjoying recess outdoors. Because the game allows children to move around you can use Simon Says as a means to low scale physical education.

Here is an example:

Simon Says reach for the sky

Simon Says touch your toes.

Simon Says stand up.

Now touch your nose.

Simon Says look to the right.

Simon Says look to the left

Simon Says point to the sky

Point to the floor.

The idea is to use Simon Says to allow your students to get a little exercise without knowing that is what they are doing. When they burn up a little energy playing the game over five or ten minutes they are more likely to sit calmly, pay attention and stay on task.

Simon Says can also be used to get children to transition from one activity to another or from working to lining up. In this instance, you are not trying to "trick" them or catch them off guard. You are getting them to respond positively to being asked to do what you want them to such as standing, pushing in their chairs and walking to the door to lineup. Of course, you can always spend a minute or two just playing the game for fun first.

Using games with active play like Simon Says with your students helps keep coming to school interesting and fun when mixed in between periods of academic learning. Kids have a hard time sitting still in their seats for long periods of time so the game also gives them an opportunity to move around a little and get the fidgets out of their system.